Book review: The Gifts of Imperfection – Brené Brown
It took an unaccompanied return train journey to Devon to devour Brené Brown’s The Gifts of Imperfection. A Christmas gift I had not yet made time to read, I set aside the trip to discover it. And I am glad I did!
I’d seen Brown’s Ted Talk on vulnerability and her Netflix movie “Call to Courage”. I like her. Some people don’t, but I do. I love her honesty and willingness to be exactly what she encourages all to be – vulnerable. By this she means, being open not just to acknowledging our story but owning it. Others may find this too “touchy-feely”, but her approach aligns with mine, so I was excited and curious to explore this book, published in 2020 as the 10th anniversary edition.
Firstly, I noticed the structure of the book, which followed a similar format to a seven-month Juniper development programme – only it was in a seven-hour hardback:
1. Pre-work
The first thing readers are invited to do is to complete some pre-work, just like on a Juniper programme. In this case, readers assess their baseline, so they know where they are, where they want to be and therefore where the gaps lie. During the Wholehearted Inventory, a free online assessment tool, readers answer about 60 questions, the responses to which are presented on a continuum of “Letting go of” to “Cultivating”, split into 10 categories. I loved the way my responses were emailed to me in a PDF so I could check them as I went through the book.
2. Purpose
Brown provides definitions and tells stories, highlighting her own vulnerability and areas where she needs to “let go” or where she is already “cultivating”. While her stories are personal, her data and research are well-founded.
I am always curious to understand the impact and benefit of anything we do (“why bother?”), which is handled here. Simply put, the purpose of embracing our imperfection is to allow the gifts of courage, compassion, and connection to surface. She explains that striving for perfection is a waste of time and energy, which could be better spent acknowledging our true selves and cultivating a culture of being authentic (rather than polishing the version of ourselves we think others expect). In fact, not being authentic with others robs them of the opportunity to get to know the real us.
Brown encourages us to DIG Deep
- Deliberate – to be intentional in our thoughts and behaviours
- Inspired – to make new and different choices
- Going – to take action.
The three-point plan’s user-friendliness allowed for simpler reflection as I travelled through the subsequent chapters.
3. Content
Guideposts 1-10 in the book are directly linked to the headings of the Wholehearted Inventory. Brown explores and explains each of the ten headings, allowing the reader to examine their own response to the ideas, ultimately moving along the scale from “letting go” to “cultivating”.
A couple of excerpts that particularly resonated with me were:
a) “Perfectionism is addictive because when we invariably do experience judgment and blame, we often believe it’s because we weren’t perfect enough”.
b) “Setting boundaries and holding people accountable is a lot more work than shaming and blaming. But it’s also much more effective. Shaming and blaming without accountability is toxic to couples, families, organisations, and communities.”
How many times have I berated myself for making mistakes instead of embracing my imperfection, safe in the knowledge that perfection is neither attainable nor healthy!
This is an area of focus on our Juniper programmes. As Brown states, without the accountability (or “consequences” as we say in Juniper), scope for change is limited.
4. Integration
Blank pages are provided at the end of the book under each guidepost heading, where readers can record thoughts and ideas. Similarly, at Juniper, we provide a Progress Record, where participants can record their progress (hence the name!) throughout the programme. At the end of the seven months, they can see how far they have come – not just their “a-ha” moments, but also how they have applied the learning and the resulting impact.
The integration stage of the book was useful in that I learned that I am already “cultivating” in some areas, such as knowing my personal values and ensuring my life (and work) fits with them. An area where I need to “let go” is perfectionism, giving myself permission to be imperfect.
As anyone who has been “Junipered” knows, participants are asked to consider what they would like to Stop, Start and Continue to do in response to something they have learned or experienced with us. So here is my response to “The Gifts of Imperfection”:
- Stop expecting perfection from others
- Start to develop imperfection as one of my superpowers
- Continue to DIG deep by being Deliberate, Inspired and Going (taking action).
Whether you’re looking to exercise some curiosity around imperfection, or simply want to experience a workshop in a hardback, I would highly recommend The Gifts of Imperfection as a way of spending an afternoon.
I’d be curious to hear your thoughts on it too!